Owner of a lonely heart

I wouldn't ever say that I am lonely, but there are some times when I feel like there might be more to life than men, friends, drinks, parties and bars.

I guess you could sometimes say I feel like I'm the owner of an empty heart.

I've had a lot of empty nights here. Many of them were temporarily filling--like a chocolate bar--but they always left me feeling empty again the next morning and wanting more.

Top nights I've had since I moved here:

Getting drunk in the Leverkusen football clubhouse, throwing an apple core in the river Rhine, staying out until 4am in a bar in Cologne and smoking a pack of cigarettes that I lit with the candle on the table

Getting food poisoned by my old landlady, trying to get home on a tube that stops at 12:30 in Hammersmith, getting on a wrong series of buses with an artist from Greenwich, taking a £40 cab with him from West Ealing to Hackney where I went with him to a warehouse party that I left at 4:30am in quest to get back to my home in NW London, which I didn't see until 8am that morning

Randomly getting invited to the crew's premiere of Casino Royale and listening to random applause from the sound crew after every loud boom

My best date was in a pub when the guy ripped up a sheet of paper in six bits and gave three bits to me and three bits to himself. He then said: "Write on each piece something that you would like to do tonight." "Well, give me an example," I said. "It could be anything, like going on the Eurostar to Paris," he said. "Ok," I thought. I wrote my three ideas, one of them being Paris, and he wrote his. We then rolled up the pieces into 6 balls, and mixed them up in a pile on the table. We asked the couple next to us to choose one of them. They did, and it ended up being Eurostar to Paris! However, at that point it was too late to get a train and neither of us had our passports, so bummer! Still, we chose the next idea, and it was my date's. The idea: Go back to his place. (Something tells me that was written on all of the pieces.) Anyway, we did go back to his place, and his bedroom, and, well, needless to say it was a great night.

Going out to Wax Bar with my friend and getting invited to a party for surgeons from UCLH

Visiting my gay friend filmmaker in Walthamstow and realising he is not just any old filmmaker, he is a gay porn director!

Meeting a guy back on the train from Birmingham and afterwards having a drink that led to an all-night flirt-athon

Snogging a police officer in Covent Garden before going into a 3am club with my American mate, who let me sleep on his sofa in his flat that was once a stable in Russell Square

Literally bumping into Jude Law in my corner store

Going Thursday night bar hopping on Upper Street with my old high school friend that I hadn't seen in 6 years

Having an after work drink with colleagues and then getting in a cab and going to my boss' house (and bedroom)